Friday, September 21, 2012

I was going to listen to my usual meditation videos on youtube this afternoon when I noticed on the sidebar a name I haven't seen for awhile. his name is Jon Kabat-Zinn.  He is a speaker and author. In a nutshell, he speaks about living in the moment or as he calls mindfulness. This video was done at UCSD in 2008, and he was addressing medical students. So instead of my usual meditation, I decided to listen to him.

He asked the question, "How many of you are really in the shower, when you are taking a shower? Are you in a meeting? Are you having a discussion with someone who isn't there?" I felt he was talking to me, because I do this all the time, and I don't have to be in the shower, I can be washing the dishes, or driving my car. I figured it was my OCD thoughts, but maybe its what eastern philosophy calls, my 'monkey brain'. Maybe it has nothing to with OCD.

He stressed the idea that we really need to be presnt because the present moment is all we really have.He asked these resident doctors how many were present with their patients, but that can be with anyone. Even me. How often am I present with my pets, my husband, a friend? There are so many things to distract us these days. I can spend endless hours on my laptop searching for information that I can share with others, especially when I am passionate about something like Prop 37.

My personality is either all in or all out. I can't do something half baked. This is a good thing but it can take away from the other parts of me that need to be nurtured - like meditating or day dreaming or playing with my pets. I can be consumed by a passion and I don't think that's healthy for me. Finding this video and getting me to think about this is exactly what the doctor ordered. In order for me to do all the things I want to do, I need to spend time nurturing myself. I understood that quite well while I was going through treatment for cancer, but when I got well, I seem to have forgotten that - again.

How many hours do I spend listening to the same old news stories each day? I admit it, I am a news junkie. Do they have a 12 Step program for that? 

My scan came back clear and I am thrilled, but knowing that, its so easy to join that rat race and for what a piece of cheese? I don't eat that anymore, I'm vegan. I want to take time for myself. I want to live in the present moment. I know muti-tasking is not what its cracked up to be. I have to stop snooping the internet when someone has taken the time to talk to me, because isn't that what this boils down to? Time. There are only so many hours we are given and then its over. How do we want to spend the time we have? How do I want to spend the time I have?

I should know this, I am reminded almost daily when I am in the infusion center at the hospital.  I am glad I bumped into this video. I will look for Zinns books at the library. I used to read alot and I want to get back to that. I think it will help me in the long run be a better advocate or what some might call agitator. I will be on my toes ready to answer any questions that the opposition may throw at me. If I am running in different directions, not fully focused I will get burned out. Been there, done that and I didn't like the result.

I changed my eating habits for the better and now i think its time to change my thinking habits. I want to spen less time in my head and more time in my body. I have six senses. I want to spend time with all of them.

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